Winter Wordless Wednesday

"February, when the days of winter seem endless and no amount of wistful recollecting can bring back any air of summer." Shirley Jackson

Ties

 It's funny that the moment I commit to something like nablopomo, I find myself suddenly tongue-tied. Ironic since the theme for nablopomo this month is "ties."   I should be able to post a hundred posts on ties. It seems sometimes that I have them everywhere, ties to two church families, ties to other countries and to people scattered all over this one, ties to family, ties to places, ties to dreams, ties to goals...

Perhaps the problem is that I try to tie things up in neat little packages when I blog, and I can't make my life fit in a neat package anymore. There are too many strings trailing about here and there, some deeply cared and for cherished, some a little trodden on like your untied shoelaces on a rainy day. The nature of friendship and the ending of friendships. The nature of ministry and the margin that lies between ministry and the ties of family. The responsibility of church family, accountability and restoration. Consequences and forgiveness. Starting over, intentionally this time. Where to draw lines, how to draw lines, who to let back over the lines. Anger and spite and justice and remorse and sympathy but not solutions for problems that are no longer mine. The healing power of a great big belly laugh. All these things are the ties that bind and weave my heart. 

I can assume they are some of the topics you can expect to see here in the days to come.

Day to Day

"Begin with the end in mind" - Steven Covey
"We don't drift in good directions. We discipline and prioritize ourselves there." Andy Stanley

My hunky is a great collector of quotes. Sometimes this makes me have to bite my tongue because he always uses them in the way that makes me most uncomfortable, and he's always right. The truth is, I don't like having my toes stepped on so much and lately every where I turn, someone is crunching them over one thing or another, generally not intentionally, but because the Holy Spirit is making me susceptible to His message.  Unfortunately His message is, "You better be ready."

Ready for what? I wish I knew, but whatever "it" is, I better be ready for it.

I've puzzled and puzzled 'til my puzzler is sore (The Grinch seems to be a theme for this year for me too, maybe my small heart is preparing to grow three sizes! God is in that business too) about how one prepares for something without knowing what it is and I have come up with three areas that I should be focusing on:

Spritual - even when I don't know what's coming, I know how to be Spiritually obedient. I know these things can only help me in any situation.
Relational - No matter what goes down, if my personal and social relationships are in order that can only be of help to me (a lesson carried over from 2009).
Responsibilities - I have personal responsibilities that I need to be on top of: education, personal health, household, etc.

As much as I enjoy drifting along and taking things as they come, I think the time for that in my life is over for now. God really brought home how huge a thing He is doing here in Georgia. I don't have all the pieces (or even more than one or two). I certainly don't have all the answers. But it is big! I better be ready for it, every day as it unfolds. That's going to include some intentional living, some planning and a great deal of discipline each and every day. As I mentioned yesterday, February will be a month of exploring discipline and getting my whole house in order, creating habits that will strengthen me for whatever IT is that God is preparing.

Sign Post Saturday #4 (again on Sunday- OY!)

Good. Ness. What a week! I feel like we went from one thing to another with nary a break or breath and yet when I actually look back, there were times of rest and enjoyment. We even took Thursday as a sabbath/ family day for the first time in a couple weeks:

*We enjoyed four family dinners together this week. The other days included a Wednesday church dinner, a Daddy and Lindsay at a youth activity night, and a great big house full of people extended family dinner.
*We also did a full week of school, and it was full! 5-7 subjects every day.
*I finished three of the four books I hoped to read.
*Exercised 4 times and did yoga twice.
*No sketching but I did draw and paint two 7ft flats for the stage at church.
*Watched 3 movies myself and most of Holiday Inn with the girls (they watched it all, I missed a few parts)
*Worship team practice and worship team this week
*Mostly stayed on top of house work
*Raised over $300 towards my mission trip
*Completed my January home school paper work for Baldwin county
*Had a house FULL of wonderful friends and loved ones all weekend long

I don't know that I want or even need to add anything more to this other than what ought to be my first priority: BIBLE STUDY. I am seriously doing simply deplorably in that department and there is no excuse. I am going to spend all of February working on the disciplines that I have started here...some weeks more successfully than others, but I am not unhappy with what has been accomplished so far. Disciplines that I am working on this week:

*Getting reasonable sleep/ getting up early
*Bible/ prayer time
*House tasks/ organizational notebook/ menu plan
*Consistent home school/ short and long term plan/ continues early start
*Exercise/ yoga
*Intentional time management: family time/ efficient computer time/ leisure time/ sabbath
* Personal pursuits: reading (5 books), sketching, blogging (nablopomo), picture taking, yarn stuffs
*Financial discipline: spending no unnecessary money/ raising money for Az

Mangled up in Tangled up Knots

 Do you remember that line  from The Grinch?
 Lately I am of two minds. There is the mind that is enjoying some of the foundation of order that is being laid, that finds peace making tic marks after each finished task. This is the mind that looks only at the last thing tic'd off and the very next thing or two coming up, only that and nothing more. The other mind looks at the whole list, and all the things not on the list and all the things that may end up on the list tomorrow, and all the things that are part of the DAILY list so that every time you tic them off they simply reappear a little further down the line. That mind is a little more unsettled than the first mind. It looks around and all it sees is that life is a big mess of tangled up knots--everyone, everywhere, messy, confused and hard.

Perhaps that is simply the state of things when you are involved in something that is so much bigger than yourself, so much bigger than you even imagined for yourself and so much more important than anything you should ever really be allowed to have a hand in. Because really, me? Part of building the kingdom of God? How does any part of that concept make any sense whatsoever?

Perhaps that is why God is telling me that it's okay to make my little lists and use them to keep focused on the little things that I am able to do on my own power, because it frees Him to do what He does with me in the great big,  hugely amazing, miraculously wonderful, creative, imaginative beautiful wonders that come so easily to Him. If I consciously attempted even the first bit of that mangled up, tangled up knots truly would be the result.


If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
 Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.   


Matthew 6:30-34

Sign Post Saturday #3 (on Sunday-but I am not changing the title so get over it.)

 I spent some time tonight looking over last week's goals, and I have to say that all in all, I am pretty pleased.  Last week was an absolute aberration with an complete immersion into reality after a month off from, well, pretty  much everything. There were times I felt stressed, frustrated and overwhelmed, but in the midst of it, I stayed fairly focused on my goals..accomplishing well over 3/4 of what I had set (and to be honest, I knew when I made that list that it was pretty hopeful). I still feel rather overwhelmed just at this new kind of life in general, but at least getting what I can control handled helps me deal with the surprise things -- anyway, I could launch into a whole other blog about that, but I won't.

What went well this week:
menu planning
exercise
intentional family time
blogging
home organization

What could have gone better:
wasted computer time
school organization (at least we STARTED school; I'm not unhappy with that part)
personal time (sketching, reading, other endeavors)
Spiritual growth (reading, studying, journaling)

The plan: A lot more of the same


Exercise 4x/ Yoga 3x
Family meals/ meal plans/ Funday Sunday/ intentional family activities
Home Organization notebook/ plan
Education plan ON PAPER (because just having it in my head isn't enough)
Personal Pursuits - blogging (4x/wk) sketch (3x/wk) reading (finish 4 books/ 3 already in progress)

I also plan to spend no money this week but to make do with what we have here--and we have plenty.
Spiritual growth - Bible reading plan, prayer journaling

Lost and Found

   I'm having a moment as I putter about and start to think about my goals for the next week, and the next month (good grief! It's time to start thinking about next month already!). I have these moments every once in awhile and they go they like this: "How in the heck did I end up here?"

I think the trip to Florida is what did it. We traveled to the place that was home, but certainly doesn't feel like home any more, and then we came back to the place that is home, and I walked in and put my bags down and thought "I'm home! (but how in the world did I get here?)"

Thoughts like these aren't unhappy thoughts, merely pondering thinkerly thoughts. I know I've said it at least a hundred times, but I just can't seem to figure out why God uses me the way He does, to do the things He does with the people He does. No sooner do I order and organize than He steps in and shakes it all up, rummages up my comfort area, gives me a gentle hug (or a holy pimp slap) and tells me it is what is best for me.

I'd argue, but He's always right.
I'd ask for a road map, but I'd refuse to follow it.
I'd beg for mercy, but I've already got it.

And so I think, and I ponder. I relearn and reorder and readjust and pray that at least some portion of this life I manage to handle correctly. I work hard and wait for heaven. I try my best to live and love each day as much as I am able, and I lean into the promise that He who began a great work in me is faithful to complete it. God knows He is the only one who can.